My dear friend @spoonandhook and I have been talking a lot about the concept of “curiosity” recently.
How to approach the unknown with curiosity; a situation in which you don’t hold all the information and without curiousity, you may jump to conclusions. Ask the questions, get the answers without having to always read between the lines and lean on your internal "storytelling". Another form of curisoity has been curiosity in your art - trying new things, trying old things in new ways, playing around, and not taking yourself so seriously that you forget that the reason you started doing what you’re doing was, in fact, curiosity.
I haven’t felt this curious in a long while. Since the spark has returned, I’ve been dying to get in the studio to try new things, to find new ways to express my vision, and frankly - mess a lot up. But messing things up when you’re curious doesn’t feel like failure, it feels like exploration, and that’s something I’ve deeply missed in These Hollow Hills for a while now.
I’m more proud of what I’ve made in the past month than I have been in a very, very long time. I don’t think I’ve felt *this* particular spark since 2019 when I found “my” style. It’s not to say I haven’t loved things I’ve created since then, it’s just this feeling is literal magic in a bottle - it opens so many doors to the unknown and gives us some grace as we fumble our way through trial and error because the end result is so enticing and the process itself is fulfilling. Curiousity is welcome here as long as it will stay, because I am also aware of its impermanence for many of us (adhd I see you).
This wave of inspiration/curiosity is coming on the tail-end of one of the biggest slumps I've had in a long while. The slump isn't even just creative - waking up was hard, daily tasks were near impossible, work balls were dropped, the gym...LOL, no, th dishes aren't done, man. I am in process of getting tested for ADHD (although there is zero doubt in my mind I have it...and probs dyslexia, too). During the slumps it feels like Im walking through Jello only to run directly into a glass window - I can see what's on the other side, what needs to be done, what motivation could look like if I could only get to the other side. No amount of sleep, water, exercise can get me out of the slump, although they do help...It just has to pass, which leads to a lot of shame, imposter syndrome (They've finally found out im horrible at my job, i suck as a human, and Im not creative at all!) which seem to further the spiral deeper. Thankfully I've started therapy this year, which is helping with a lot of validation, tools, truth, and education - but the slumps still be slumpin, so when the literal and figurative sun starts shining again it's the best feeling on earth. PRAISE! I can get up without 7 alarms, going to the gym doesn't feel like literal torture, I've done enough laundry where I can find matching socks (ok, maybe not that one), and creativity returnnnns! This time, the creativity came like a FORCE, a very, very welcome force.
I have a lot of unrealistic perfectionist tendencies, too, even though I don’t consider myself to be a perfectionist (very not type A). It’s like, if I can’t do it “right” then I often don’t try for fear of “messing up”. But messing up IS learning. I’ve kept myself from so many things for fear of imperfection and that’s not who I want to be as an artist or as a human. As i've traversed the ups and downs of this business I've found myself in many spaces of slump or force, I've learned so much about myself and how I avoid, attack, and ruminate - what serves me and why, and what my brain thinks is protecting me, but it's sometimes holding me back. It feels invigorating to dust myself off and try again - allow myself to F ) something up ("F" is short for fuck in case you were wondering in order to learn something new, create something wonderful, and just have some damn fun.
Thank you for hanging out with me over the past 5 years, however long you've been here, I appreciate you, and I hope you love this collection as much as I do...and I hope the curiosity wave keeps on rolling, but regardless, I am proud of what I have made and while the journey aint always fun, it's important.
To anyone who feels like they may have ADHD or is feeling burnt out (part of my slump) , I recommend episodes 294 and 297 of my fave podcast "We Can Do Hard Things". Sometimes hearing a neutral party (esp one you respect) talk about the thing opens up a lot you needed to know ot to see.
Thank you, see you (hopefully) on Sunday, 4/21 at 12pm EST for the drop!